6 The Lovers
The Lovers card focuses our attention on the relationships we build with others. Though often depicted as a romantic duo, The Lovers can be about any meaningful relationship in our lives. The Lovers invites us to reflect on the people we connect to and the relationships that we have formed. There is power in social connection and relationality. However, true connection requires vulnerability and openness, as well as reciprocity in care.
The Lovers in the Wild Unknown Tarot are two Canadian Geese flying together. Birds are a fascinating example of interdependence and collective action. adrienne maree brown (2017) talks about the idea of flocking as an emergent strategy - Geese stay together and share leadership in a way that everyone’s needs are being met. She writes that true interdependence means that “we can meet each other’s needs in a variety of ways, that we can truly lean on others and they can lean on us” (p. 87).
The Lovers in the Spacious Tarot shows two strands of energy, woven around each other like a double helix. Each strand is distinct and unique, but together they intertwine to create something new. Similarly, in relationships, each person is an individual but together they can combine to form something more powerful than the individuals.
However, in some ways, The Lovers can caution us that although connection is a vital part of being human, it’s important to keep sight of our own selves and not lose ourselves completely in a relationship. This may mean ensuring that our connections are built on reciprocity and mutual commitment and care.
I’m always drawn to Brenna Clarke Gray’s piece on care in the university: The University Cannot Love You. Though not about forging one-on-one relationships, it is a stark reminder to focus effort into the relationships that you can equally draw energy from.
Activity
Write a love letter to someone who inspires you, brings you hope, or otherwise improves your life. It does not need to be a romantic love letter, but rather an opportunity to show appreciation to someone who has had (or continues to have) a positive impact on you.
Rather than sharing your full letter in the community, you’re invited to share a small note of appreciation for someone (either the person you wrote the letter to, or someone entirely different).
Reflection Questions
The reflection questions are designed for your own reflection on the archetype and how it may be present in your life and practices. In thinking about the Lovers, consider the following questions:
What relationships do you draw energy from? How do you form and sustain connections with others?
Are there any relationships in your life that lack balance or reciprocity? Are you giving more than you take? Are you taking more than you give? (How) can you (re)gain balance?
References
brown, adrienne maree. (2017). Emergent strategy : shaping change, changing worlds. AK Press.
Gray, B. C. (2022). The University Cannot Love You: Gendered Labour, Burnout and the Covid-19 Pivot to Digital. Feminist Critical Digital Pedagogy: An Open Book. https://edtechbooks.org/zXHDRJAq